


Adventures in Troll Parenting

by Shewhowalksalone



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Author is new at this, F/F, F/M, Grubs (Homestuck), Infidelity, John is a bit of a slut, Kanaya writes pop-up books, Karkat is a father, M/M, Mpreg, Multi, Nesting, Non graphic grub death, Non graphic miscarriage, Non-Linear Narrative, Oviposition, Parents are people, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, This Is STUPID, Where is Troll Maury when you need him, Women can be daddies and men can be mommies, alternative universe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-02
Updated: 2018-06-26
Packaged: 2018-11-22 12:40:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11380383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shewhowalksalone/pseuds/Shewhowalksalone
Summary: It's a whole new world and it comes with it's own challenges and responsibilities.  Turns repopulation is nessesary to survive as a species. A.KA. watch as trolls try to learn akwardly learn about parenting and John is the village slut.





	1. In Which Karkat realizes the consequences of unprotected sex

**Author's Note:**

> This is first fic in Ao3. I still don't know the systems but I realized I needed to eventually just say fuck it and do it or I was never going to have the courage to publish my own works. 
> 
> Enjoy and give me some tips if you want. I could use any guidance.

Karkat never planned to be a parent.

 Grubs were little shits that gnawed on everything and whose primary response to  was to hiss and attack directly at the face.

  
From the moment the nursery was established Karkat swore that no one would convince him to go inside that circle of hell as long as he was alive. Fuck, dead too if he had his way.

  
But noooo.

  
He just had to fuck John Egbert.

  
John " Grub Machine" Egbert who single handedly seem to take it upon himself to repopulate the troll population with his offspring.

  
The human turned troll was on his third clutch in three years and would no doubt have several more in the future  if he had his way.

  
This was the first clutch that Karkat had sired  and even then he was pretty sure that the biggest grub of the clutch wasn't his, or if he put tiny shades on the orange one with spiky hair it would almost look like a exact copy of Dirk Strider.  
Grub clutches were like a box of chocolates, they came in a wide variety of assortments. It was possible for a clutch to have more than one sire in the mix and John was rather...free spirited when it came to who he pailed and sired his brood.

  
Karkat grumbled as he made his way to the nursery early in the morning.  
He didn't want to leave his bed as uncomfortable as it was to sleep on the floor but Jade had glared at him during lunchtime after he made some stupid comments about how annoying and stupid grubs were. Apparently that was the wrong thing to say since Jade's fingers were slowly inching to her gun.

Fearing for his life Karkat immediately backtracked what he was saying and started correcting himself saying that of course in the end grubs were part of the future and hope for their species blah blah blah please buy it. 

Eventually he said blabbered something about visiting John and  his newly hatched wrigglers in the nursery sometime in the next morning attempting to appeal to Jade's auntie side.

He must have said the right thing because Jade nodded approvingly and put the gun away much to his relief.

Now he had to fulfill a stupid promise he had made in heat of the moment or risk having a hole put on him.  
Jade was rather protective and very caring of her brother and her many little nieces and nephews and would no doubt preform her inspection  later that day to ensure Karkat made good on his promise of visiting his grub mama and the little squeakers. 

Why did they even allow Jade to have a gun during lunchtime anyways?

  
The nursery was the biggest building in the village they have built up to date. Designed to keep it's tiny residents in and imbeciles out.

Which honestly wasn't a concern since outside of the " queens" as Kanaya so lovingly called those who bore the clutches and the occasional guilt ridden father there were rarely any  visitors inside the nursery.  
No one wanted to deal with the evil screeching, the sharp little teeth gnawing into their shoes or be guilt tripped by tired parents into changing diapers. Karkat made that mistake once and he still mourned the sweater he had to sacrifice to the little shits.

  
The nursery was still surprisingly quiet when Karkat went in.

  
He tiptoed as he passed the low to the ground cribs where the other clutches were still sleeping comfortably.

  
Tavros' single grub began to stir and whimper as he passed right by his crib.

Karkat immediately stopped where he was and prayed to whatever gods out there that he didn't began to cry. 

Please no.

If he started to cry then all the grubs would start to cry and every single mother in the nursery would beat his ass all the way to the next perigee and THEN they would  make him soothe them all until they fell back to sleep. 

Karkat would rather have his ass beaten for the next two perigees than have to sing rock a bye wriggler for the next twelve hours. 

That was just a cruel and unusual punishment no matter how you looked at it. 

  
To his immense relief the little bugger when right back to sleep and he let out a huge breath feeling relieved and thanking whatever diety for small mercies  as he continued to make his way to the other room.

  
John was already awake and waiting for him when he walked in. He was reading aloud to his four wrigglers on the carpeted fuzzy floor of the recreation room, two of grubs were clinging to either of his shoulders while  other two sat on either side of his lap making soft curious chirring sounds while tilting their heads as John just read over the part where the the hungry caterpillar turned into a butterfly.

  
The runt of the litter was the first to catch sight of him. She screeched loudly  instantly got off John's shoulder scuttling to his direction with as much speed as her little legs could grant her while wearing the ridiculous tiny shoes on each of her six legs  that John painstakingly made for each one of his brood.

Ignoring the  the countless times the wrigglers would hiss and try to gnaw their legs off in attempts of removing the stupid things off no matter how " cute" their mother and the other queens seemed to find them. 

Karkat couldn't say he blamed the wrigglers for their hatred of all things shoes as a result.  Even he thought the grub shoes were a special kind of stupid and ridiculous even compared to all the embarrassing garments the queens like to dress their spawn in. 

  
Expecting a direct attack on his own feet from past experience Karkat braced himself for the blow.

Kallai went straight for the kill the tiny red grub pounced on his shoes angrily gnawing at the shoe laces as if it somehow offended her.

She growled loudly and shook the shoe laces side to side as if attempting to murder her non-sentident foe. 

  
Karkat made a face as he gently shook her off his foot. This was his last good pair and he was not losing another garment to the tiny teeth of squishy pests he called his children.

" Kallai daddy's shoes are not for biting" he said with as much patience as he had left in his body.

Which wasn't alot to begin with but John would throw a fit if he made her cry or upset her somehow which Karkat didn't think was fair considering how Kallai was always upset.  

  
Kallai let out a diabolical screech before flaring out her tiny face fins at him.

Little shit.

  
" She takes after you the most" commented John as he got up from his spot on the floor. He gently moved  the other red grub from his lap making the grub whine.

  
Karkat glared at him. " I'm surprised you can even tell do you keep tabs on your wriggler daddies or am just that special? "

  
John raised a eyebrow at him, the comment sliding off him . " There are only two mutants in this village who share your color and I haven't fucked Kankri so yes I'm sure that at least Kallai and Karson are yours" he said coolly .

  
Karkat made a face at the name of his other accident child. John wasn't a sclever as he liked to think he was with his naming choices.

Karkat  thought it sounded like a washed out forty year skater dudes who lived in his mother's basement.

 

" I still think he should be renamed  him he's going to get bullied when he's older ....what do you want me to do while I'm here anyways?" Karkat said impatiently

John shrugged and picked up Karson handing him to his sire.

  
" Feed them? Help me change their diapers? I don't know  Karkat just talk to them " John offered slighly exasperated and annoyed before talking the dark, big grub to  one of  the changing stations. 

 

Deciding to make himself useful Karkat went to the fridge that was basically filled with ready to go bottles of formula and little containers of pureed vegetables, fruit and meat for the wrigglers.

The little monsters ate better than Karkat or probably well over half the villagers. 

  
Karson who was clinging to his shoulder started peeping excitedly as Karkat took out one of the bottles and put in the microwave to warm.

Karson was a pudgy boy who would no doubt be an equally as pudgy kit  when he molted.

At least Karkat wasn't afriad of this one not having enough weight to survive the molting since he ate anything and everything he was offered.

  
The older mutant blood sat down on the rocking chair and shifted his tiny carbon copy to a more comfortable position for feeding.

  
Karson suckled greedily waving his little legs cheerfully as he drank away at the nutrient rich substance.

  
" Drink away little fatso. It's not like you can't just roll everywhere instead of crawling" Karkat muttered making sure to hold the grub properly so that he wouldn't choke.

  
" Stop calling my kids names Karkat just because your self esteem is low doesn't mean you get to pass your issues to your kids " John called out from the changing station.

  
Karkat rolled his eyes.

  
" Hey I made this one. Maybe try to think about that the next time you break into someone's house in the middle of the night demanding you fuck them six ways to Sunday, what was it you said?

  
"Oh yeah! I'll be fine Kaarkat! Let's have some fun Kaarkat~ " he said with a high pitched tone and a over dramatic face.

  
John responded promptly by throwing a tiny dirty diaper at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not saying John is a slut...
> 
> But he's gained a reputation for being the village bucket and he's not as insulted as he pretends he is.
> 
>    
> The trolls are massive hypocrites though.  
>  
> 
> Note: This chapter was edited and small additions were made as of 7/12/17


	2. In which Dave Strider attempts to retain the last of his manliness and dignity ( and fails)

John never intended to  become a mother.

  
Changing from a  human to troll was a extremely traumatic transformation especially considering the anatomical  and psychological changes. 

Of all of them John had the worst time getting used to his new appendages and instincts.

The first few weeks of using the bathroom were the worse. It was actually rather surprisingly he didn't get a urinal infection or mess up his new  alien kidneys from trying to hold off going to the restroom as long as possible.

Of course none of that compared to the time when he found out the hard way trolls of either gender could become pregnant...

  
A loud screeching sound from the crib interrupted his thinking process.

Already getting up John walked over the crib where his alien larvae children slept. Unsurprisingly it was Kallai who was doing the complaining, her siblings were perfectly content to sleep their afternoon nap but Kallai seemed to think the room was too quiet.

Shaking his head John picked her up not wanting her to wake up the others. Four cranky babies were worse that one.

Kallai sulked as he cradled her in his arms making grumpy growling sounds. She clamped her little mouth down on his shirt suckling on the fabric for comfort to soothe her bad mood.

  
" What is it now little miss? Are you hungry? Cold? Or do you just want attention" asked John tiredly.

  
Karson and Kallai were by far the loudest and neediest babies of his brood. Even his firstborn hadn't been this clingy and loud and he had been relatively easy to care for even with John's inexperience and first mom paranoia. He blamed Karkat for those particular traits. The mutantblood sure was getting blamed for alot things even without him being being without fifty feet radius of the nursery. 

Stupid Karkat. Why did he have to be so sexy?

  
John heard shuffling and the sound of the fridge opening and closing. Probably one of the other queens getting food or formula for their grubs. 

Ugh. He must have been too long in the nursery if he was actually using Kanaya's terminology for the "natural" reproduction system.

  
A pregnant troll or a troll who had grubs in the nursery was called a queen. A tiny newborn troll larvae that came in a wide assortment of colors was called a grub. A young or newly molted troll was a kit and so on.

He didn't like to be called a queen. For one he still identified as male and refused to be referred by that rather embarrassing term. For another Dave never let him live it down always giving him that shit eating grin and using any excuse to use the word.

  
Jokes on him, Dave was now the proud expecting queen to his very own clutch.

He couldn't wait to see how Dave juggled trying to soothe a crying grub then helplessly watch as they all started to cry in unison.

Kallai eventually fell asleep clinging to John's shirt. Her little face smooth and angelic now that it wasn't in her usual angry frowny expression.

  
John kissed her forehead before snuggling her alongside her sibling , laying a small blanket on top of her body leaving her head exposed.

That should do it. If he was lucky he would get half a hour of peace and quiet before the demanding squeaks of his hoard called him back inside again.

Needing fresh air he went to the fenced-in backyard which was currently vacant as all the grubs were either sleeping or being tended to by their parents.

  
To his mild surprise and amusement he was not alone.

  
Laying out on the back porch on his back was a heavily pregnant Dave either suntanning or who had tried to lie down on the cooler floorboards and was unable to get back up  essentially beaching himself.

Again.

 

One of the older kits seemed to be taking advantage of his captive audience as he doodled on his Dave's swollen stomach with washable markers. Or at least John hoped they were washable. 

  
The kit turned around to look at him and gave him a familiar goofy bright smile.

  
" Hi mommy! I'm drawing on Dave" said the kit rather proudly as he rolled up Dave's shirt to show him his work of art.

In clearly legible handwriting John could read " **Skanet wuz here"** in bold letters across Dave's ribcage.

  
Aw, he could write his name now. He must have been practicing his handwriting at school.

  
John cracked a smile and walked over to ruffle his firstborn's hair between his horns. Skanet purred at the attention, leaning into John's hand.

" I can see that buddy where's Rhekie and Khieko? " John asked gently. It had been rather hard to keep tabs on his second clutch since the grubs hatched out of their eggs almost a week ago requiring him to stay full time in the nursery.

 

Skanet took out a green marker and started drawing a smiley face on Dave's lower stomach.

  
" They're in the school dorms. Khieko and Rheike are sharing a room with another set of clutch mates. Sometimes I see them at lunch or after school. Mrs. Rose is trying to get them to join the arts club" Skanet chattered cheerfully without a breath in between as continued his doodling on his living canvas.

  
John smiled at that. Rheike had always had a hard time and getting along with other children. As a grub most interactions typically ended with him headbutting his nursery mates, Khieko his sister on the other hand was very introverted and withdrawn, rarely speaking  even when asked questions directly.

  
He was glad Rose was looking out for them. He had been worried about them starting school and not being able to make any friends or becoming stressed from a schedule and environment so different from the nursery along with the fact that John could no longer be 24/7 with them.

He texted and occasionally made video calls in the afternoon when the grubs were sleeping but it wasn't the same.

He wondered if Karkat would be willing to grubsit for a few hours while he paid a visit to his older children...

" John get your kit off me  I don't like being modern art" said Dave finally speaking after lying on the floor passively for the past fifteen minutes.

Skanet had moved up and was now drawing a very handsome mustache on Dave's face.

  
John snickered " Are you sure? That's the manliest thing I've seen on you the past week" 

  
Ever since Dave had to experience the rather dismaying discovery of not being able to fit into his regular clothes he was forced to put away the jeans and shirts for loose fitting dresses and skirts in the hot weather.

  
Not that he didn't try to fight it first. But there's only so much a pair of jeans could take.

  
After the third pair ripped Rose finally had enough and forced him to wear the more comfortable maternity wear.

  
To make the change easier Rose included some new " manlier" designs in the maternity clothes bin just for Dave.

John knows that technically he should feel insulted by that fact that he had to make do with flowery dressers during his first pregnancy but after a man experiences the undignifying symptoms and effects of pregnancy firsthand and nurturing young colorful larvae who had a penchant for being as gross and horrifying as they could be cute and cuddly there was rather little that could faze John or truly get the through his thicker skin now. 

Besides he totally rocks the mom jeans so what the hell.

Dave only gave him a grunt in reply.

  
John let out a snicker, " Alright Skanet that's enough leave Dave alone it's getting late anyways you should head back to school before the sun sets"

  
Skanet pouted but capped his markers back up and left the porch. He hugged John's legs rubbing his cheeks against him purring just as he had done so many times as a grub before walking in direction of the school.

  
John sighed watching him go.

  
" You better enjoy them while they are grubs they always grow up before you know it" John lamented.

  
Dave just have a annoyed grunt.

  
" Yeah right, I can't wait until these things are out of me. How long do I have to stay like this again? You've become a broody little hen John. You should turn it your man card since you've clearly not used it in a long time"

  
John raised a eyebrow " Oh really? Whose the one whose heavily pregnant again? Last time I checked you were perfectly willing when I pinned you down on the kitchen table"

  
Dave gave him a smirk " Haha. For your information I'm a pregnant man not a queen or whatever bullshit terminology they are using I'm still one hundred percent man, I just happen to be carrying life inside of me.

Now excuse me the pregnant man needs to pee"

Dave tried to push himself up only for his stomach to get in the way. He growled and tried to grab on the railing only for his center of gravity to fail him from reaching it.

He fell back down panting after a few more futile efforts.

He laid there defeated for several mofe seconds before he sighed and turned to John.

  
" John stop smirking and help the pregnant man get up"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp there goes another chapter.
> 
> I'm really surprised at the number of hits this has gotten in like a day or two.
> 
> Just so you know, don't be afraid to comment and tell me what you think. Shares thoughts, ideas, questions I'm always willing to answer and discuss.
> 
> I'm also open to requests ;). This writer is a firm believer that all ships are canon and shall be shipped as thus.
> 
>  
> 
> Note: Minor edits were done 7/12/17


	3. In which Terezi Pyrope attempts to use comforting skills ( and semi succeeds)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains a surprising amount of angst and mentions of child loss. 
> 
> No idea why but I'm rather proud considering how these are two characters I never thought I would write or do it in this particular manner.

  
Terezi never thought she would come into the nursery.

Parenting was...complicated. Her lusus had been a egg for the majority of her childhood and her record with having healthy stable relationships was sorely lacking.

  
Not to mention that pregnancy and grubs were a messy business and a drain physically and mentally on the caretaker. 

  
The " queens" who have taken the "honorable" duty of motherhood and raising the next generation tended to be the more stable and well natured of the whole bunch.

  
John who had a great father and was overall pretty normal in everyone's terminology.

Tavros who already had experience dealing with small bitey little animals combined together with his endless patience and endurance with life itself.

Even Eridan the most surprising of all thrived in a environment in which he was needed and loved by someone.

Even if those someones where miniature incestoid hellbeasts who chewed on furniture and pooped everywhere.

  
Yeah...not really Terezi's idea of honorable duty.

They must get something out of it even if Terezi couldn't understand what. The love hormone sure was the work of miracles.

Terezi grimaced. Ugh. Miracles.

  
She stood outside the nursery door trying to get the courage to come in.

Actually she had been there for  over twenty minutes and her courage was still lacking.

  
Why was she doing this again?

  
The door suddenly opened before the last scrap of her courage in her left and she made a run for it.  The swing of the door making her jump back in surprise almost falling off the porch.

A equally surprised Gamzee stared back at her motionless.

There was a brief akward pause before the purple made the first move shifting his eyes away before walking out the door off the porch to who knows where for the day.

  
Terezi didn't move again until she was sure she couldn't hear his distancing footsteps.

  
What the fuck?

What was the clown doing here of all places?

Even if by sheer chance he stumbled inside by confusion she doubted any of the parents including Karkat and Kanaya would let him in without direct supervision.  
Even then the cold-blood seemed way grounded and aware of his surroundings at the moment for Terezi to believe that.

  
Terezi reeled in the possibilities. He wasn't pregnant or else the whole village would have gossiped about it by now.

Karkat would have thrown a fit and run around interrogating everyone in the village until someone finally confessed to knocking up the clown.

  
He wasn't on caretaking duty since nearly every queen did not trust either of the Makaras near their offspring regardless if it was just turning over eggs in the incubators or reading aloud to the grubs. 

Eridan especially acted as if they might eat one but then again the violet was always overdramatic over his brood. 

Terezi stood there pondering on the porch before it dawned on her.

Wasn't there some whispers few weeks back about how the one surviving grub in Tavros' clutch had horns that curved upwards in the similar fashion of the Makaras?

" Are you just going to stand there or are you actually going to come in?"

Terezi jumped yet again at the familiar voice.

Vriska. Why was she ...oh right. The reason Terezi was here in the first place.

While she had been contemplating in her own mind the cerulean had walked to the front door and placed herself in front the teal despite the latter's senses.

Terezi simply nodded feeling too akward to speak before entering the building.

Vriska didn't waste time with pleasant chats or small talk simply turning and walking in direction of the grub's section of the building.

The building was way bigger inside than Terezi had initially thought. She wouldn't be surprised if there were underground floors and extended sections that weren't visible from outside.   
When they started planning the construction of the nursery  they had put alot of thought into this. Entire months went into making the nursery the most stable and secure building in the village up to date.

  
It was almost overwhelming in a way to someone who relied on her four senses. She almost wished she had asked for a map of the place or asked someone else to come along with her but then that would mean having to deal with prodding questions.

Terezi took a whiff of Vriska as she walked behind her.

  
The cerulean smelled...tired.

Not a ordinary kind of tired, but a heavy almost defeated kind of tired that Terezi had never come to associate with Vriska.

The cerulean seems to be walking with a kind of slump and didn't speak or make any crass remarks in all the way.

Vriska finally stopped at one of the doors and opened it after flicking off the wriggler proof lock.

The room inside was dark,quiet and cozy with soft music and nature sounds emitting from a husktop attached to ceeling probably to prevent it from becoming a chewing toy for the tiny residents.

  
The floor was carpeted and soft and Terezi was suddenly very aware of the soft puffing sounds coming from all sides of the room.

  
New individual smells were everywhere. Some mingled with more familiar smells but nearly all of them were foreign.

It was hard to navigate through the smellsas they seemed to be in every corner of the room although at least she had enough common sense to be quiet.

  
Vriska on the other hand was very at ease, effectively making her way around without any sound or lack of grace. Terezi quickly followed her path not wanting to stray behind.

  
She almost bumped into her when she stopped again this time in front of a grub pen designed and approved by Equius to withstand the temper tamprums of all wrigglers regardless of hemoclass.

  
Vriska reached into the playpen and pulled out the squeaking grub who resided inside of it. 

  
" Skuela say hi" Vriska raised the grub so she was eye to eye with Terezi.

From her scent she was clearly a cerulean like her mother and smelled quite frankly, like irritation and in need of a diaper change.

  
" NO! " yelled Skuela making a huffing sound before attempting to wriggle her way out of her mother's grip.

  
Vriska gave her a dry smile.

" That's the most positive thing you'll hear from her all day" she said before putting Skuela back in the pen.

  
The grub made a squeaking sound before burying herself under a blanket glaring up at the adults.

Terezi cracked a smile.

" Charming little girl you are raising there Vriska"

  
Vriska snorted looking down at her carbon copy offspring.

" Thanks I get that alot from everyone" she said pausing and letting out a long sigh before turning to Terezi.

" What are doing here Terezi? Don't try to give me some bullshit excuse about why you are here because I know you don't want to be here. Even  I don't even want to be here" Vriska's tone was exausted and annoyed as if she's had this conversation before.

  
Terezi shifted uncomfortably.

  
" I...Just wanted to see you were okay" she said akwardly.

  
Okay lame but at least it was honest.

  
Vriska sighed again but Terezi couldn't taste or smell any true anger under it.

  
" I'll be fine it's not like I didn't see this coming my luck was bound to run out eventually" Vriska's tone was uncomfortably flat and resigned.

Terezi winced as if hearing those words somehow stabbed her in the stomach.

Vriska looked down again at the last of her remaining clutch.

Skuela let out a defiant peep before tugging on the blanket covering herself completely becoming a little lump under the sheets.

" I'm kinda glad that she's small and won't remember him or any of them. I'm not the kind of troll that's good at having those talks with anyone much less kits" Vriska admitted.

Skuela's last remaining sibling had passed away a few days back. The grub had simply grown weaker and weaker despite the intensive care and attention and then without warning simply passed away in his sleep.

One second he was breathing and the next he wasn't.

  
The rest of the clutch had passed away under similar circumstances. They had simply been too fragile, too small to thrive despite having having all the factors to survive inside the nursery.

Of the four grubs, two had died within the first few days of hatching. Skuela and her brother had been the survivors of the clutch but then small male started having issues feeding and reaching milestones.

He would barely crawl. Sleep often and fitfully. Never explored or played with the other grubs even with Skuela's encouraging squeaking and headbutting.

  
In the end, the two clutch mates had to be seperated because they feared Skuela might accidentally hurt him in her attempts to get her sibling to play.

Despite being consistently fed a special formula and kept in a temperature regulating incubator the little wriggler ended up not making it in the end.

Terezi didn't know what else to say.

  
How do comfort someone who lost a child? One you have little doubt that they cared and tended to every single day no matter how exhausted and frustrated they were.  
Who consistently checked the incubator and got up every hour on the clock to feed even when they were to weak to latch on and needed to fed with a special sryinge.

She wondered if Vriska even wanted to be comforted at all. If she was tired of pity and consolations one after another.

If she blamed herself for losing all but one grub. If she wondered that if maybe she had been more careful there would be more than one grub in the playpen right now. 

If she wondered if maybe  hadn't hidden her pregnancy for its entire duration from the others too proud to admit that Vriska Serket had gotten herself knocked up by someone.  
If she had sought help when the labor contractions hit and not when she had bled nearly to death on the bathroom floor.

By then having lost already the first egg due to lack of proper nutrition and prenatal care. The eggshell was too thin and cracked still inside the birth canal.

Terezi wasn't going to be another judgemental voice hiding under concern.

Everyone already was doing that and she had little doubt that Vriska's own mind was worst of them all.

" So you wanna stay and watch me be a moobeast ?" Vriska said already unbuttoning her blouse.

Terezi's face flamed.

  
" I'm sorry what?" Surely she didn't hear that correctly.

  
Vriska gave her a wicked grin.

  
" Did you know that pregnancy makes your boobs big and makes them get filled with milk? I definitely did not it's pretty cool actually. You can actually squirt it at other people if you do it just right " the voice Vriska said it was too gleeful but Terezi had to admit if she were stuck here bored all the time she would probably try to do it too.

Vriska picked up Skuela and cradled her against her bare chest.

Skuela latched on suckling vigorously letting out rumbling little purrs  that were either territorial and possessive or hungry and happy.

Terezi could feel her own heftsacks twinge in sympathy.

  
Vriska snickered probably watching her reaction in amusement.

" It feels just as bad as it looks at first but at least you get a nice rack out of the deal, not so nice for the dudes although John's rack is nice if I say myself.  
You should have seen Strider's reaction when we told him he had to wear a bra" said a grinning Vriska

  
Terezi could feel herself trying not to laugh. Vriska cracked a tiny smile for a second.

  
They sat down for a while and chatted. Not about the grubs themselves or the loss of Vriska's tiny wriggler but just about things in general. 

The nursery drama, the continuous construction of the village. The gossip in the small community including who was fucking who now and who would probably end up in the nursery next.

It was.. comforting strangely enough. 

It had been a long time since Terezi had been with anyone like this. A long time since Vriska herself had been with anyone like this and it was almost as hard to admit that they both had needed it like this even if it was just for a little while and even though when they were too proud to admit it even in their own minds.

When Terezi finally left long after sundown she didn't fall asleep with the thought of  Vriska and her grouchy daughter on her mind.

But when she woke up at dawn still early enough for it  to still be dark and caught the smell  of fresh bread wafting through from Jane's bakery she wondered if Vriska and Vriska Jr. would like it if she dropped by with some freshly baked mini muffins in the morning.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed my surprisingly sad and more serious chapter. 
> 
>  
> 
> Hopefully the next chapter will be more light hearted and funny.
> 
>  
> 
> Comment your thoughts and reactions , I take all questions and concerns in consideration.
> 
>  
> 
> Note: Edited on 7/12/17.


	4. In Which Karkat educates the reader  about nesting ( and ends in between a Egbert-Strider sandwich)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry about this chapter taking so long. 
> 
> I've been studying the past week for my driver's exam so this chapter took longer than I expected. 
> 
> On the plus side it probably is the longest chapter I've written so far so enjoy!

Reintroduction to natural  reproduction had it's ups and down for the troll species.

For one the obvious pro was the continuation of their species and first hand being able to educate the next generation with a more progressive set of morals and ideals than the carnage prone ones the trolls who were born in Alternia were accostomed to.

Another more arguable pro was that grubs and young troll kits could actually be rather cute and endearing when they weren't pooping or screaming their heads off although even then no one was looking forward to the teenage years.

The only thing worse than crying grubs and snot nosed kits was their stinky, acne ridden counterparts that were even moodier and votileable than the adult version with about half as many thoughts inside their thinkpan.

Cons were...Well pretty much everything else on the list with high emphasis on pregnancy and labor itself.

Seriously. Fuck pregnancy.

Yeah, humans practically adored pregnant women and basically  put them on a pedestal decorated with roses but trolls didn't even have an appropriate word for a pregnant in their vocabulary.

  
No matter how much Karkat insisted that pregnancy and being with parasites was essentially the same thing no one wanted to associate it  with the Alterian word for  'infested with parasites ' especially the glowing mothers to be who were easily squicked and nauseated by anything they looked at too hard.

  
Then there was that another fun argument about parenthood itself.

Trolls didn't really define gender and sexuality the same way the humans did.

In Alternia, no one cared about your gender identity or that of those who you quadranted  as long as you were able to produce a bucket of slurry  for the drones to collect from your flush and pitch quadrants and that was basically all that  required for you to carry on and continue being in the gene pool. 

Humans were rather sensitive and picky in that regard by comparison. The squabbles grew only worse when John the first of the humans who was  confirmed with egg leading to long discussions pertaining to if John qualified as a mother or father since trolls barely knew or cared about the difference between the two. 

It lead to a serious of disagreements about what " mom" or " dad" was truly defined as since both sexes were able to carry and sire offspring. Which  eventually ended with everyone begrudgingly agreeing that Mom was the one who gave birth and did the primary caring and Dad was the one who sired and helped provide for the wrigglers.

Making Dave a future mother to be and Rose the doting father of twin jadeblood girls by that definition.

  
But in Karkat's experience that wasn't even close to being one of the big problems with knocked up trolls and their sometimes just as hormonal and emotional mates.

  
The biggest problem with living and interacting with the producers of life wasn't the random bursts of crying or rage, the unatural food combinations cause by spontaneous cravings or even the occasional case of projectile vomiting whenever one caught the whiff of that particular scent that one cause them to recreate the infamous scene from The Exorcist.

  
No it was the nesting.

  
The motherfucking nesting.

  
Seriously, there was a very good reason why queens were moved to the nursery the very second they were confirmed with eggs and that reason was because it was only a matter of time before they would start cleaning every cranny and steal every single soft material, clothes, or even random colorful and shiny things that they just so happened to tickle their fancy.

Once they were satisfied with raiding their fellow trolls of everything could get their hands on and they would go on make themselves the biggest, most comfortable and extensively detailed piles known to trollkind in a area they viewed as cozy or convenient like the kitchen, or the living room effectively making the area off limits to everyone else. 

Oh and that wasn't even the worst of it not by far, once a queen added an object to her nesting pile you might as well give it a honorable salute because you were never seeing it again.

Did your best jacket and lucky colorful pair of socks get taken by a pregnant troll who insisted that the color and texture would go nicely with their nest and then proceeded to swipe said objects without even asking?

Yeah good luck with ever getting it back because pregnant trolls would flip their ever loving shit if you so much as moved a piece of fabric two centimeters from where they originally put it.

Many fellow trolls learned that lesson the hard way where they tried to recuperate their beloved  items and possesive from the wriggled up thieves.

  
At least half the population had a bite mark or scratch scar from these cases in which they accidentally got too close or foolishly attempted to move or take anything back from the nesting piles  causing the owner of the pile to go straight into a flurry of attacks that were often rather impressive considering the fact that by then they were  round like oranges and could barely walk two feet on the ground before their feet became spontaneously swollen.

Since no one wanted to fight a distressed wriggled troll ( Stupid instincts) who would most likely go straight into crying right after tearing a hole into you most simply kept their distance and chose to suffer the loss of a few garments quietly.

  
Karkat decided that in that matter he was actually rather grateful for the nursery despite how many  resources and supplies went into it and it's constant maintenance.

It provided queens and their wrigglers with the spacious room and resources to make their nests at a distance safe enough that they wouldn't  cause any major losses to the working trolls.

It was a good system and it worked for the most part ...sires on the other hand didn't share as much luck as Karkat learned the hard way.

Turns out queens are biologically programmed to find the scent of their mate or wriggler daddy as very comforting and soothing and will take objects and clothes from said troll's possessions to adorn their piles with and wearing casually the sire's clothes as they progressed into their pregnancy.

  
In more that occasion Karkat had found himself wearing the same set of clothes for a week because every single other garment was " in use".

Stupid John.

Why did he have to look so cute wearing his shirts in the first place?

It's has been literally months since the human turned troll laid his eggs and John still refused to part with the garments.

Karkat grimaced as he entered the nursery wing in which John was nesting in.

Right there smack in the middle of the pile as if mocking him was his favorite black and grey hoodie jacket and even his best pair of jeans which had been still practically new  the last time he wore them.

Karkat's eye twitched.

He could take them right now and leave before anyone noticed but John would know it was him and flip his shit because he was according to himself "still using that".

  
Please, like John could have ever fit into his jeans with that massive pregnant belly he had and even after laying the clutch the queen preferred to wear skirts and dresses out of lazyness in the ugly summer heat.

Still Karkat wasn't brave enough to do such a stupid thing. Common sense and self preservation instincts really.

Hell hath no fury like a queen scorned or something close to that definition.

Why was he here again?

A pair of arms suddenly  wrapped around his midsection from behind making the mutant blood jump in surprise but quickly relaxed again when he felt the large swollen belly and motor like purring that told him instantly who it was.

  
" Dave we've talked about this before already  personal space please" Karkat sighed but allows the pregnant man to hug him to his contentment.

Queens were very bad at personal space and privacy. They seemed to think that because you knocked them up that also meant that you signed over your rights as a individual to deny physical contact.

John was actually far worse during his pregnancy even though Karkat went through hoops in order to avoid entering the nursery.

Karkat have a secret suspicion that pregnant trolls had some kind of secret power they were too freaky to not have them. It would explain how he kept bumping into John when he was pregnant and not that he was subconsciously seeking the pregnant troll in every crowd as Kanaya theorized. 

Nope. Definitely didn't have anything to do his troll dad instincts and it definitely didn't mean he cared or worried Egbert and was visiting the nursery almost every day now. Not at all. 

Whatever since he was here he might as well pay a visit to the other human turned troll  he knocked up.

He really should have learned his lesson the first time.

Dave nipped his neck playfully before going over to his side of the room where he was working on making his own nesting  pile.

He dumped two animal plushies and a roll of toilet paper on his small pile nodding to himself as if patting his back on his decour choices.

Karkat made a face.

If Dave was using toilet paper to adorn his nest he had little doubt that he had already raided his room, cot and drawers and would come home to find himself sleeping on the bare floor.

  
Well at least he didn't have to sleep in close quarters with Strider and the little buns was cooking in his oven.

Queens stayed in the nursery from the day they were confirmed to be pregnant until the grubs molted which often took more than two years on it's own.

Dave was sharing his room and nesting quarters with John. Usually queens had a room entirely for themselves or rather they needed to because having two pregnant trolls in such  close quarters  often led to frequent bickering and fighting which was not something Kanaya recommended.

After Eridan and Sollux became pregnant at the same time it had basically become a unwritten law. Even those two were too much drama for the nursery. 

The only reason this was the exception was because John was Dave's wriggler daddy tas well  and neither could be very far from each other without becoming anxious or stressed at this stage.

Which was also the same reason why many sire trolls and fathers frequently visited and even on occasions temporarily moved in with the mother of their brood until the eggs were laid usually forced to move out because the queen's  maternal instincts would have the queens snarl and chase them away as far away from the clutch as they could. 

Kanaya theorized that the reason behind that was because of potential fear of the father eating the eggs.

  
Karkat just wished the jadeblood had told him that little piece of information before his stupid instincts send him to visit Egbert the day after laying.

The bucktoothed boy literally send him flying out the nursery. Even now he swore he could still hear his back crick everytime he got up in the morning since then.

  
Speak of the devil John was coming back into the room carrying a sniffling Karson in his arms.

John was gently shooshing the small wriggler kissing him  between his horns gently patting his diapered behind.

Raising his eyebrow Karkat walked over to John and gently poked his son on the top of his nubby little horns. 

No real reason.

He just wanted to get the grub's attention to stop him from crying and poking him was the only thing Karkat could come up with.

" The other grubs were picking on him" John admitted as Karson whined loudly giving Karkat his best puppy dog  eyes.

Karkat gave his tiny son a long look raising his eyebrow. He wasn't as surprised about the declaration  as he felt he should be.

  
Karson was basically a squishy marshmallow on stubby little legs. You could gently shove him on his back and he would stay there like that upside down until someone finally took pity and turned him right side up. 

Karkat sighed and reached over to take his little squishy red beetle. Even though he always complained that John coddled him too much. 

Karson squeaked loudly in complaint and headbutted Karkat's hand. He squirmed in Karkat's grip waving his front legs in John's direction despite having whined for Karkat to hold him five seconds ago. 

Karkat rolled his eyes and simply started patting his back in comfort deciding to give John a few minutes in which he wasn't holding a grub to his chest for the first time in over a week. 

John shot him a grateful look and started to help Dave with his nest building leaving Karkat to watch the two as they shaped and lined the pile similar to a bird's nest low to the ground.

They added blankets, soft feather filled pillows, a variety of stuffed plushies that made Karkat wonder if they stole them from the grub's play room and even a old set of ugly orange curtains they got from who knows where.

  
John even added some of the things from his nest to Dave's.

Karkat made a face when he noticed Dave was now wearing his jacket, that very same one that had been in John's nest.

  
" That's mine I want it back," he snapped 

Dave turned him with a poker face on zipping up the jacket even though it was summer and even with the A/C on he didn't need it

" I don't know that your talking about this was a gift" Dave said with a tone a obvious tone  as he laid down on the nest and started to make himself comfortable rolling on his side.

Karkat growled.

" Fuck no you two have been stealing my shit long enough I don't care that it's summer and I'll die of heatstroke in this weather give it back already!" He snarled.

He didn't mean to snap but he guessed he was just tired and stressed from work and tired of keeping the last of his clothes under lock and key. 

Karson who had been sleeping peacefully pressed against Karkat's chest started whimpering at the loud angry tone of his sire and he wasn't the only one.

Karkat cocked his head and listening closely.

" Dave...are you crying"

" ....no "

Fuck he was crying. He made Dave Strider cry and it was only a matter of minutes before he got blamed and made the asshole of the situation.

As if to prove his point John came back into the room carrying some plain brown and white blankets. He instantly became aware of the other queen's crying and narrowed his eyes.

He turned to Karkat his eyes already accusing him.

  
" What did you do!?" He demanded walking to Karkat and taking Karson from him who quickly went from whimpering to falling back to sleep in his mother's arms.

Karkat took a step back and started thinking of ways to get himself out of this sticky situation.

He knew no matter how what he was going to come across as then asshole who tried to take back something from a nesting queen's pile.

The fact that Dave was his queen would only confirm their thoughts of him and that was all the confirmation they needed to shoot him dirty looks  for the next week for being the asshole who yelled at the troll he knocked up.

Thinking it was better to hit the problem at its source Karkat walked to Dave and wrapped his arms around the other praying to whatever diety out there that this worked.

Akwardly following to his sire troll instincts Karkat made a soft purring sound and started to cover Dave with some of the loose fabric and blankets on the nest.

" Sorry I shouldn't have yelled at you..It's yours if you want it" he mumbled gently pressing his lips against the nape of Dave's neck just like he liked it.

Dave gave a last sniff and snuggled up against Karkat practically wrapping himself around him like a vine.

Karkat cursed the science behind pregnancy hormones and the waterworks they caused. He instinctively cuddled closer making his purring louder which was  **not** caused by the fact that Dave smelled vaguely like him. 

John laid down behind Karkat and wrapped his arms around the other's midsection giving little growls and purrs of delights, taking advantage of the situation to get some cuddles from his captive Karkat.

 Karson imitated John's sounds and crawled on top of Karkat curling up in a little heart shaped ball on his chest.

Karkat squawked and tried to wiggle away but John and Dave hissed in unison and gripped his arms tightly before he could so much as lift his head.

Okay ... It's's not like he had a rush to go anyways.

John and Dave clearly seemed to thinks so too because it wasn't long before they're breathing became slow and heavy as they fell in deep slumber with Karkat still wide awake, tightly sandwiched in between of them.

A little while later Tavros peeked into the room looking curious at what was going on.

Karkat was instantly quietly hissing at the brownblood.

" Pssst Tavros you gotta get me out of here call Kanaya and tell her I'm trapped down here" Karkat whispered urgently.

  
Tavros blinked passively before walking into the room carefully making sure not to step inside the nest.

The bronze troll smirked at the sight as if it was the most amusing thing he had seen all year.

" Tavros I'm fucking serious here help me before anyone realizes what I'm doing down here" Karkat whispered impatiently.

  
Tavros then gave the mutant troll a delighted evil smile reaching in to his pocket for his Ihusk with the little purple goat pendant from his pocket.

Oh no.

" Don't you dare", he hissed.

Tavros gave him a wicked grin before angling the phone for the best view and taking several shots of the Karkat snuggle nesting with his grub mamas.

  
With a last look of diabolical joy Tavros mouthed " TrollBook" at Karkat before he tiptoed his way out.

 

Fucking Nitram.

  
He was not going to live this one down.

  
Letting his head fall to the plush floor in defeat Karkat decided to throw the towel and take a nap.

  
Fuck it. The nesting pile was much more comfortable than his bed anyways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to all my commenters on my last chapter. 
> 
> Special shout-out to krisnoli and planetundersiege. 
> 
> You guys are so awesome! Thank you so much for your feedback. 
> 
>  Note: Edited as of 7/27/17
> 
> As always don't be afriad to comment and let me know your thoughts. 
> 
> I cherish each comment and take requests in special consideration for future chapters so let me know what you would like to read or what situations you'd like to see our favorite akward parents and their tiny buggers in.


	5. In which Kanaya enjoys a day at the park ( and first hand see reality TV drama)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've was working on this little piece since the last update. 
> 
> It took longer than I expected to finish due a family crisis that took away my attention span but I finally grew a pair and decided I wouldn't let it take my writing ability too. 
> 
> So here's it is!
> 
> On the next episode of Troll Maury

Kanaya always knew that teaching her fellow trolls how to be parents would be her hardest test.

From the very beginning when the possibility of reproduction and species repopulation was confirmed to even now well over three years later with  the constant pitter patter of little feet passing through the village Kanaya's job was never done and was unlikely to do so in the next twenty sweeps at the very least. 

Most of her fellow trolls were still young enough to barely be considered adults and have only successfully managed to learn the first lesson from Kanaya's pop-up picture book Grubs Are Children Not Food ( edited and illustrated by Rose Lalonde and Dave Strider).

Even the ones who had been parented in their upbringing upbringing were either incredibly unprepared to even care and function on their own or have had unstable and highly dysfunctional custodians which made them little better off than the trolls who essentially were starting off from scratch.

Kanaya was sometimes genuinely surprised at the fact that the  kits survived at all to pupation considering the many mishaps and face palming mistakes the new  parents committed in their akward attempts to nurture children, formerly known as food.

Kanaya was surprised she herself  managed to survive and keep her temper at all even in the best of days.

Even when she was so round and heavy it took her five minutes to get up from a chair and twice as much as that to get up from bed she was still expected to handle several duties in the nursery including the actual labor itself since her fellow trolls could not look at the graphic sight that was the miracle of life without becoming squeamish or in more than one occasion pass out cold on the floor ( which Karkat Vantas would certainly scoff and deny that never never in a million sweeps he'd ever do or has done a ridiculous thing like that).

Kanaya snorted slightly thinking him. The mutantblood certainly had bigger problems than that now. Two squishy, loud needy problems who now took up his time, attention and the better half of his paycheck according with the Queen's Laws and Wriggler Codes.

Currently said troll sulking with as much dignity as the situation would  allow him to have as he partook in playing in the sandbox with Kallai and Karson.

Maybe playing was the wrong word. More like lying flat helplessly outstretched in the sandbox as the grubs slowly buried the upper half of his torso in sand.

Kallai kicked up a pile of sand with her back legs onto her father's head and then crawled over and patted the sand smooth identically as young of her age do when they just finished using the litter box.

John was probably laughing nearby or spenting time with his older kits Skanet, Rheike and Khieko.

Kanaya sipped her iced tea from the comfort of the shaded side of her comfortable house. The day was sunny and bright in a way that was either cheerfully pleasant or a uncomfortable nuisance with no in-between for anyone.

Most of the village workers had temporarily stopped whatever they were currently working on until sundown and were like her either resting comfortably, napping or if  they were parents most likely with their kits enjoying the day and playing  in the park that was right by Kanaya's home.

Everyone was wearing either a hat or made sure to stay close to the shade.

Kits complained loudly as their mother's smeared sunscreen over their faces and made them wear long pants and sleeves to prevent sunburn on their sensitive skin.

A kiddie pool was installed by Horuss and Rufioh the past day which was now being hogged by the seadweller and highblood kits who wadded knee high in it hissing at the other children, suntanning themselves like lizards in the direct sunlight. 

  
Feferi and Roxy had set out a hydration stand filled with water, lemonade and orange slices for the roughhousing kits and adults who all grimaced and squinted against the evil force that was the morning sun.

Even after living so long in this world it was still hard to shift from the cultural and biological clock that dictated that trolls were nocturnal beings and that the sun was deadly ray of evil that must be avoided at all costs.

  
The nursery was even designed to prevent most of the natural sunlight from entering through the windows.

Instead using a variety of artificial lights and lamps in soft colors to help the grubs and young kits adjust the schedule of their home world.

Just because they hatched here didn't mean that hundreds of thousands of years of biology would disappear in a single generation.

A loud whack echoed the woods.

Kanaya raised her head to look where the sound came from and smiled at the cute sight in her vision.

A good fifty feet away from Kanaya close to the woods was her matesprit Rose and their twin daughters playing a fun game of baseball.

Both Rose and her wanted to raise the girls to be affluent in a variety of both arts and sports.

Nurturing both of the body and mind was vital to the development of wrigglers especially in the vital early stages in which they soaked up everything their little minds and senses could get on like little sponges.

Silraa and Zeetra were three years old and were the oldest kits in the village next to John's firstborn kit Skanet.

They hatched only two minutes apart from each other and were essentially identical as grubs to the point that most of the adults never referred to them by their names but as Kanaya or Rose's twins out of sake of sparing themselves the headache.

 Kanaya never understood how they could mix them up Silraa and Zeetra were very different from each other. But then again she always mixed up Sollux's kit and Eridan's kit and those two weren't even twins no matter how identical they were and the fact that they hatched the same night. 

 Thankfully with time and development  showed optimism of changing that after their first molt. Now most who in contact with a regular basis with the jadeblood kits could tell them apart if only because they squinted. 

  
Silraa has straight black hair that barely reached her upper back, a slightly lighter hue on her skin, a rounder softer face and expressions while her natural denture filled with neat double rows of flat square teeth was identical to the humans

She was the more laid back and and softer of the two preferring to read fairytales and watch classic Disney films with a appreciation for the romantic themes.

Zeetra, on the other hand inherited her more of her father's cold-blood features and behavior. 

She was taller by two inches already and weighted at least five more pounds. Her kit rainbow drinker fangs as Kanaya so lovingly called them a jadeblood trait were longer and sharp enough to bite through flesh easily.

Her waist long hair was very curly to the point that Kanaya had a strict hair routine to care for it and maintain it along with a longer broader nose and long pointed ears.

Above all she exibited the aggressive, dominant and territorial associated with the highblood caste.

  
Even now standing beside her father as she teaches her how to swing the bat Zeetra was sniffing the air cautious and alert of everything that was going on around her.

Rose threw another ball for Zeetra to swing. Without a beat Zeetra hits the ball with a satisfying crack.

  
The ball flies through the air nearly hitting Dirk Strider who misses it by a step.

  
Another loud crack is heard accompanied by the sound of breaking glass and Kanaya winces.

  
She hopes whatever it was it wasn't expensive.

  
Rose seems to have the same thought as she slowly backs away taking Zeetra and Silraa away from the scene of the crime as Eridan screams from inside the house in which the baseball broke into from the window.

Wonderful.

Kanaya guesses that she'll have to a make another pop-up book on the topic admitting to mistakes and taking personal responsibility for your actions.

Kanaya decides to enjoy the sweet brief moment of bliss and peace before Eridan comes demanding retribution and justice.

From the corner of her eye she spots Dirk who casually makes his way towards her.

Kanaya could feel her eyebrow raise in surprise. Dirk Strider tended to avoid being so near to the park and the nursery as if its residents carried the plauge.

Despite his poker face he wore every moment of his breathing life it was obvious that he was highly uncomfortable around children, which wasn't very surprising considering how many were already uncomfortable around children for a variety of reasons. 

Yet on closer inspection the jadeblood soon became to notice that the discomfort that Dirk exibited was on a different degree to everyone else.

Something that become even more obvious when Dave started showing and frequently made excuses to avoid being alone with him too long for very long with the other Strider as if fearing the wrigglers would burst out of his stomach.

( Kanaya knew she should have insisted that the former humans had to stay for the pop-up book for that lesson)

Kanaya said nothing as he sat down and promptly dumped half of the sugar bowl into a empty nearby glass before filling it with iced tea.

Kanaya didn't let her facial expression betray her true thoughts as she waited for the moment when Dirk took a long chug of his sugar with a dash of tea in it.

  
" So John or Dave?" she said nonchalantly.

As expected Dirk choked loudly and thumped his chest as she gave her knowing smile.

" I'm sorry what?" He said  
his tone clearly telling her he knew exactly what she meant.

Kanaya's lips twitched slightly in amusement.

" Do you think I'm so foolish that I don't notice the fact that Meriah looks just like  you?" she said pointedly.

  
Dirk's silence told her that he didn't know who he was talking about.

Kanaya sighed.

" I doubt it's a coincidence that John has a red orange grub whose face is near identical to yours and whose hatching is timed right around the same time you and Jake had that huge fight ".

  
Dirk remains silent. She remains silent.

They both know the truth.

Kanaya puts down the empty glass on the table before looking vaguely away keeping her tone as neutral as possible.

" The truth isn't as hidden as you'd like to think everyone in the nursery suspects it or at least has hutch the only reason no one is willing to voice it because John doesn't care enough to confirm their whispers"

Dirk becomes stiff, whether with rage or shock she isn't sure but she waits for several seconds before she speaks again.

" Affair or not the reality is there is at least one child you have sired which either due to fear of parenthood or of destroying your newly rekindled relationship with Jake you have refused to claim as yours and denied her the right to know who sired her and to have a relationship with you", she pauses after that not wanting to stir the inkling of rage deep within her.

  
Dirk clenches his jaw and looks away.

His hand darts to the ring on his finger. The one with Jake's last name and his own engraved on its surface.

  
Kanaya's eyes soften for a moment and a stab of pity hits her.

" .... I never meant for it to go that far that night or the night after that one or the one after that one too...I don't know what to do or what to say either way I've fucked it all up ... again" he finishes and then stills again after that, he doesn't look at her.

He reeks of shame and self-anger.  

  
They both choose to stay quiet. Kanaya weights her words carefully. 

  
He's right. There is no easy answer or solution.

A part of her nags her to tell him the other part she knows but Kanaya reminds herself that she is not in charge of solving Dirk's communication issues and she is not their auspice.

  
She knows three certain truths.

One, Dirk flushes Jake and he flushes him just as much.

Two, Dirk and John had a affair together during a estranged period of their relationship in which John conceived Meriah alongside the rest of his clutch.

Three, there was no way his affair would remain under closed doors. Not when Meriah already had her father's eyes, face and his uncanny shade of blood which was revealing dark hue of orange.

  
What would go on from there Kanaya wasn't quite certain but someone would be hurt from all this in any direction.

  
Dirk leaves eventually without saying a word as he walks past the park John's eyes flicker in his direction. He then turns at Kanaya, his face barely changes but she doubts that he doesn't know what was just conversed.

  
He turns back to the other half of his clutch who paw around at the grassy area of the park and swat at butterflies.

  
Meriah lurks in the long grass even from the distance her bright scarlet orange body unmistakable as she fixes her stare on her brother Simeon, the biggest of the clutch.

  
She leaps and pounces on him rolling down the grass as she lets out little fearsome growls.

The other grub playfully swats at her and engages her on a headbutt match while John smiles nearby taking a few pictures with his phone.

Kanaya chuckles too at the rather endearing sight.

Her expression changes though when she notices something rather ... interesting.

For the past week and half since John's clutch hatched Simeon had not only been the biggest grub but the one whose color hue was so dark it was difficult to tell the original color.

Common with highblood grubs Kanaya had thought nothing of it before since most of the times the hue would lighten and clear as the grub grew older.

Now out of the softly lit nursery and in the direct sunlight Kanaya was keenly aware that Simeon was not the dark blue she first theorized but a very, very dark green like just like someone else.

  
As if aware of her stare John turns back to her. His eyes flicker to Simeon then back to her and he gives her a smile that can only be described as mischievous and slightly smug.

  
As if he pulled the most elaborate prank scheme and got away with it.

  
Kanaya lets out a single dry laugh.

  
She wonders if she should say anything about that little tidbit but decides to stay quiet for the time being.

  
Afterall, this was the closest that the village could get to reality show drama and Kanaya couldn't wait to see the men's reaction when they realized they had the same impulse in mind with a certain buck toothed troll.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had alot of fun writing this chapter and reading all your comments.
> 
> Requests and suggestions are always open and welcome. Don't be afraid to leave a comment on what you'd like to see. 
> 
> John is my favorite character to write along with probably my favorite queen. 
> 
> Note: Minor Edits and proofreading was done seventeen hours after its original posting. 
> 
>  
> 
> Up Next: Three years A moody computer nerd and fish realized that they hated each other they had unprotected sex and as consequence started a family. 
> 
>  
> 
> Now three years later they realize that they hate each so much that they want to expand their family.
> 
>  
> 
> On purpose ( dramatic gasp)
> 
> Things escalate from there.


	6. In which Sollux and Eridan enter the lovely world of family planning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! And after a long time and I'm happy to say I never forgot got and I worked on this everyday. 
> 
> Posted this chapter on my birthday. Happy birthday to me! Miss you guys so much every comment and words meant and means the world!

Eridan wakes up blaring and flashing lights, and what he sincerely hopes is only the smell of burning food at six a.m in the morning. 

" That's it! You're eating breakfast at school today" proclaims Sollux from the kitchen before yet another loud clang echoes across the house. Most likely once again the frying pan falling to the ground. 

Eridan opens his eyes blearily and grumbled as he stretched out and dragged his body out bed which loudly creaked in complaint.

Fuck it. His sleep self was getting awfully suspicious of peace and quiet around the house anyways. 

He walked down the short hallway and squinted into the kitchen bracing himself as he analyzing the damage. 

Sollux was fuming and so was the toaster. 

The pitter patter scattering away from the crime scene tells all seadweller needed to know. 

" I told you those child safety locks were worthless" fumes Sollux sipping from his mug then cursing loudly. 

Eridan pinched his nose. 

" Don't tell me you forgot to program the coffee machine in before we went to bed I reminded you twice" he hissed flaring slightly his ear fins in annoyance as he walked by painstakingly avoiding looking at the mess at the stove and the nearby wall as he opened the fridge. 

He glumly stared at the inner contents of the refrigerator. 

The Ampora-Captor household ran on microwavable dinners and meals ready to eat mixed with the fresh quality fruits,veggies, fish and lean meats that Eridan was constantly fighting to infuse with every meal on the three yellow bloods he lived with. 

However it had been at least two weeks since either of them had been able to go grocery shopping between figuring out how to balance working and the kit's school and activity schedule. 

The cheap, easy to make foods which the family had become ridiculously reliant on were scare and the once, fresh quality organic vegetables,fruit and lean cuts were now sketchy looking and in one particular long- term resident seeming to gain what seemed the start of intelligent life. 

Eridan squints looking in for a few more seconds, give up and sighs choosing one of the kid's apple juice boxes to drink. 

Sollux glares at him putting down the mug of hot water in the kitchen sink. 

" Oh I'm sorry Eridan I was too busy trying to stop our son from CHOKING yesterday" he snaps

" What? Choking?? Oh what!? " he stammers alarmed brain suddenly wide awake by this new information . 

" His tongue" snaps Sollux

"What?"

" Just so you know I'm blaming your side of the family and your stupid fishie genetics" the yellow blood grumbles as he put his ugly mug in the cupboard. 

Eridan opens his mouth to counter-argue that statement when he notices the current time in the coffee machine his jaw drops. 

" eight o'clock?? already? What the that's no possible I programmed the time so we'd be on time~"

Just like that the wheels start turning in Eridan's head. His eyes narrow and he turns around to look across to the kitchen door where his string bean offspring still wearing food smudged kitchen pajamas is standing with all the quiet defiance his three feet statute allows. 

" Koichi Captor!" he growls 

" I don't wanna go to school" he hollers loudly stomping his foot before taking off the chase. 

Both adults swear vigorously. 

" Since when did he even learn to reprogram the alarm clock!?" 

" Don't ask me Captor you laid that one. Alright here's the plan I'll get Farkoh ready and you'll get Koichi ready. We'll meet in the car in twenty minutes, absolutely no more that that. We should be arrive just a minute under if I press on the gas pedal" he urges 

Sollux gives him a disbelieving look. 

" What? That's crazy! We're not even dressed ourselves and you want us to do what takes us under two hours in a good day in thirty minutes" cried the yellow blood 

Eridan walked up low blood until they were so close their noses brushed. 

" Now listen to me Sollux Captor Letting them win now while they are still little would allow them to walk all over us and destroy the house when they older and I don't know about you but I am not going to fight the teen years alone so tell me now Captor are you with me?" 

Sollux blinks slowly gazing back at him with his bi-colored eyes.

He nods once. 

Eridan lets out a slight rumbling purr before bumping his horns against the other's once lightly. 

" Good. Come on Captor there's only two of them and two of us we can to it" he reassures him for one last time before he walks off to boy's bedroom.

As expected Farkoh, Eridan's own brood spawn was still curled up in his nest of blankets in his " bed" . 

Like most kits, Farkoh did not sleep in a human bed and was too little to use troll's sopor sleeping method safely or in the long term run. 

Instead they slept in under the bed in what was essentially a pillow fort/nest meant to simulate the safety and darkness of caves which young kits and grubs still preferred.

Eridan reaches under the bed and gives it's sleeping resident a tug making the miniature yellow groan in complaint. 

" Farkoh..." Eridan starts warningly

Farkoh whines loudly rubbing his eyes at the bright light before throwing up the covers on himself. 

The violet queen frowns. 

" young man you will get out there this instant!" orders the violet blood. 

A soft whine emits from the sheets. 

Hissing softly the highblood walks to the closet where he swiftly takes out two identical sets of clean uniforms. 

Glancing back to the little lump under the sheets Eridan's fins twitch in irritation before a brilliant idea dawns on him. 

" Farkoh! Come on where going to be late! Miss Jade and Feferi are going to bring you to the aquarium, don't you want to see and touch all the fishies?" He calls out.

 

In an impressive amount of speed for a chubby kit Farkoh bursts under the covers speed racing right out to the door. 

Eridan faintly hears the sounds of breaking glass as Farkoh passes the living room and winces.

There goes his glasses. 

 

By the time he's out the door with the both of the kit's backpacks and uniforms Sollux honks the car impatiently. 

Both Koichi and Farkoh are in the backseat with their seatbelts on. Farkoh is cheerfully babbling talking about he was going to pet snails while Koichi gave his slightly younger sibling a sulking glare squirming in the makeshift straightjacket Sollux had restrained him in. 

The moment Eridan stepped foot inside the car Sollux hit gas. 

 

******

Eridan kicked the school doors open.

" Move away! I'm a mom on a mission" he screeched carrying Farkoh over his head. 

Right across the corridor Kanaya raised her eyebrow as her hand stopped midway from closing the classroom door. 

With just two seconds on the clock the Captor-Amporas had avoided being late to school by the barest mark for two weeks on a row. 

Kanaya clucked her tongue at the adults as they stopped right outside the door to pant and catch their breath. 

" I have to admit I'm impressed with this new record keep this up all they'll be stickers on your report cards for all four of you at the end of the month" she said waving Koichi and Farkoh inside.

" Bye kits we'll pick you up later make sure to switch your uniforms I think I missed up the tags in the laundry" called out Eridan as the door finally shut. 

They wait for five seconds before Sollux lets out a woop. 

" Three week parent attendance honor roll suck on that Cronus!" he cheered.

****

It was weird adjusting without Farkoh and Koichi being there 24/7. 

Sollux and Eridan had discussed the subject more than once after the wrigglers had undergone their pupation at two and started schooling shortly after.

 

Despite what had once seemed an eternity of grub feeding, diaper changing, avoiding them eating inedible things, playing the same stupid " brain nurturing" songs five thousand times it all seemed to have gone very fast to Eridan. 

 

The seadweller knocked twice. 

There was a brief sound of hissing and scuttling before the door cracked open revealing the face of John Egbert wearing flower printed shorts and bright blue tank top with the words SUPER MILF printed in bold glitter. 

Eridan raised his eyebrow slightly at him.

 

" Don't even start Dave is nesting and the kits made a mess in the laundry room I don't exactly have many options" John sighed looked down frowning slightly as he extended the door open for Eridan to enter across. 

Eridan sighed taking in the smells and sights of the nursery. Stuff only a queen could love. 

" I thought you burned that thing" Eridan admitted. 

John shrugged as they walked side by side on the long corridor. 

" Yeah well you know me haven't really been able to get rid of stuff since Skanet hatched I think I'm starting to become a hoarder" groused John.

 

The buck toothed troll turned right of the corridor to the nearest door. Eridan caught on the muffled sound of voices behind before John turned the knob revealing what seemed to be a full blast back and forth argument between Vriska and Tavros in the parlor. 

" I'm serious Vriska you keep your little monster away from my son that's a last warning spiderbitch" hissed Tavros, his horns were leaning downwards gravitating towards the cerulean's direction. 

The cerulean in question rolled her eyes. 

" Oh don't even start Nitram, Skuela barely left a bite mark on Dovaii she didn't scar him or traumatize him for all his crying" Vriska growled irritated shifting a hand over her hip. 

Skuela, the grub in question was snickering to herself sitting snugly on her mother's shoulder. 

Tavros scowled at the miniature cerulean while curled up in the bronze blood's arms was Dovaii, the small brown grub who was sniffling as he looked up at his dam's face for reassurance and comfort. 

John cleared his throat.

" Are we interrupting something?" he asked, a layer of impatience and annoyance underlying his tone. 

The violet blood had a feeling this was not the first time he has walked into one of the arguments. 

The two other queens took turns glaring at each other. 

" No ...not really we were just leaving" says Vriska turning on her heel fuming as she walked past them out the door Skuela beaming as she waved at the adults with her front little leg. 

Tavros sighed and pinched his nose shaking his head before looking down at his son. 

Dovaii was still sniffling and clinging tightly to the brownblood's chest letting out a soft whine. 

The bronze adjusted his grip and gently patted the grub's back slowly. 

" Hey now it's okay Dovaii she's can't hurt you now don't cry little moo.Hey wanna go see daddy?" asked Tavros in a low, soft voice to the bronze grub. 

The bronze grub stopped sniffling wiping his nose with his grub leg and looked at Tavros cocking his head slightly at queen's words. 

" Honk?" squeaked Dovaii 

" Yes daddy" confirmed Tavros 

" Honk!" squeaked Dovaii happily waving all of his legs. 

Eridan could feel his jaw drop in shock. His eyes darted from John to Tavros unsure where to start or what to say. 

He had rumors yes, about Dovaii's horns being similar to the purple bloods and about the same Makara making some suspected visitations at odd hours. 

But nothing had been confirmed or else Karkat would be breathing into a paper bag and the town hall would be filled with cursing and hooting from the residents as the results where scratched into the official pregnancy betting board and count tally.

Tavors seems to have sensed his staring because the brown queen turns his head towards them looking unimpressed by Eridan's gaping reaction and rolls his eyes as he walks by them both on the way out.

Eridan turns to his morail seeking some kind of support or confirmation but the blue blood is seemingly unfazed by the new information. 

" Wait did you know this?" he asks alarmed 

John blinks surprised. 

" It's not exactly the biggest mystery besides, if a queen doesn't want to reveal their wriggler daddy it's not really anyone's business" says John emphasizing the last part firmly as he sits down on the couch. 

Both points were true. It's not like Tavros was the first queen to simply choose not to name their offspring's sire in favor of satisfying wagging tongues. 

Eridan could easily name off the top of his head several other queens both in and out the nursery who had chosen not to reveal their kits other parent including his own morail in front of him, Vriska, and Horuss. 

Speaking of which..

" How are you with the new little ones? You tooks us all by surprise, four multi-hemospectrum grubs and no major complications during birth or hatching that's a serious miracle right there" says Eridan shaking his head slightly in disbelief.

John's lips twitch briefly before leaning 

" I ask myself that myself everyday. They're great thankfully, sleeps been rough on all of us but then again that's all newborns you know?" John says with a slight yawn. 

" Actually I don't think it was all that bad. It was actually rather nice and amazing how little they are it all goes by so fast ..." Eridan comments after a moment, his words wistful and longing. 

Eridan's lips twitch briefly into a smile as he reminisces into those early memories back when he was just as new queen with a newly hatched grub at his chest. 

He and Sollux had nested in the same room and spent most of the night back to back patting and rubbing their near identical wriggler's backs as they hummed the same lullabies over and over again until their breathing slowed.

Of course there was that time he had accidently found himself nursing a teddy bear after a bad night of sleep deprivation. 

Or that time Sollux was exposed for having created a underground grub gambling ring ( long story). 

Or the horrific suspicion between both parents that in the early days of birth and hatching they had accidentally swapped more than more each other's birth kit

Koichi for all they might be Farkoh and vice versa not that it really mattered since they had the same parents and at this point their personalities and attributes were more than well developed and established. 

Not Eridan would ever admit to it, especially to Cronus who find a way to gloat and rub it during the brunch PTA ( parent troll meetings).

John let out a short laugh. 

" You hear yourself? That's how you know for certain you are getting grub fever Ampora the nest in your home is looking empty these days. And how I know for certain I've been here too long" he says with a long tired sigh, his expression flickers briefly into something Eridan can't decipher and and silently seadweller scoots over. 

" Is something wrong?"

John's eyes still unmistakably human even after all these years behind his glasses seem distant as in thought of somewhere else. His hand grips the arm the seat of the couch hard with biting into it with his nails. 

" Nothing that is worth the damage or the pride" he merely says after a moment finally glancing up at the Eridan

Almost instantly the sea dweller understands. 

" WHO WAS IT! I'LL SHOOT A BITCH AND THEN WE'LL SEE WHO THEY LIKE IT WHEN THEY TALK SHIT THEIR BACK!!" 

Almost instantly there was the soft sound of sniffling before it instantly led to the sound of loud wail crying of startled grub before quickly growing to the crying of several grubs right across the hall. 

The front door of the parlor opened revealing the face of angry panting face of Karkat who flips them both off before shutting the door behind him. 

John shakes his head frustration he pushes up his glasses on his nose.

" Let it be Eridan they can talk whatever they want as long as they go after my kits then it's game over."John's eyes flickered dangerously. "Besides everyone in this village has drama and scandals they just like to talk mine because I don't throw a fit about it", he adds with a slight snort. 

Eridan sees the opportunity and seizes it to change the subject sensing that blue queen desperately needs intelligent conversation with someone outside the nursery that doesn't somehow link back to his own problems. 

Something that the seadweller understood too perfectly.

So Eridan helped by doing what he does best. 

And by that he meant talking about other people's problems and instantly nosing up on the rumor mill for crumbs. 

" So speaking of drama what's been going on in the nursery since we're on the subject of talking shit on other people?" pried Eridan trying not to seem too obvious in his pursuit of gossip but failing miserably because Amporas are not as subtle as they would like to think. 

It was the violet queen's fortune that his morail not only the humored his gossiping but even partook and enabled his habit. 

The nursery while a sustaining and stable environment for grubs and eggs tended to be a rather unstimulating environment for the adults in their maternity leave/ solitary confinement from society.

Egbert had to find his ways to entertain himself at the penalty of brain cells or sanity.

" I know! I'll start first" volunteered Eridan raising his hand first wiggling like a kit. 

The former troll raised his eyebrow pretending not to be too interested. 

" It's official! A little fish told me who heard from Roxy who heard it from Jane behind the bakery a few days back that she's officially asking Meulin to marry her" whispered Eridan with glee throwing up his hand for extra emphasis. 

 

John's mouth opened in shock before laughing and looking back at Eridan and once again repeating the pattern again. 

" Are you serious? She's finally doing it? Meulin is going to be so happy she's going to cry, we'll be able to hear from here she's been waiting for it forever. Garfio and Catina are going to be so happy too, their moms are getting married" John said smiling brightly 

Eridan found himself smiling too. 

Funny. You'd think spending so much in such close quarters for over two years would make sick and tired of hearing or knowing of a person. 

Eridan and Sollux were fellow queens alongside Meulin. Although much at the early time could hardly be described as " fellow". Then again as they say absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that.

 

" I'm just happy for them plus it makes it easier to keep track of family and bloodlines, seriously I don't know anything about family trees but to me this whole village is starting to look like one of Kanaya's ivy walls" deadpanned Eridan

John looked like he was desperately trying not to laugh too hard. 

" You can say that again. Not much happens on the nursery itself but the you know the adults. Dave is still pregnant and no one understands where he is getting watermelon from. Tavros is sneaking Gamzee inside at night, we know he is here because he keeps leaving holes in the ceilings where he forgets to bend down for his horns. Kurloz and Mituna are trying for a clutch together as moirails so we are making accommodations in the north wing since Kurloz is carrying..." John prattled on and on 

Eridan however was caught on the last part. 

" Wait whaaat? Kurloz? Since when? How is it that no one is talking about this, how is that you are only telling me about this, Kurloz shouldn't have kits. He'd be a terrible parent especially after what he did to you and Kheiko~" Eridan was practically screeching out of breath panting

John hardly looked startled by the violet's reaction.

" Kurloz wouldn't be the first troll to deny his own blood Eridan. He was certainly not the last for me. I'll admit that circumstances of Rheike and Kheiko's conception were ...not ideal and complicated. But make no mistake all my kits are all mine first and foremost regardless of who sires them they.are. mine" he emphasized strongly 

It was a scandal in the nursery. What at that time had seemed a great scandal by proportion. 

Skanet, John's firstborn was still a chubby grub in the nursery and John to everyone's surprise had adjusted to both to the changes of his body and new life even come to embrace them to some degree. 

Then one day while taking their grubs out to play in the grass outside John revealed to Eridan that he and Damara had become friends. 

That in itself was no secret. The rustblood would occasionally come over in the quiet afternoons or nightimes in specific to spend time with John. 

There had been whispers before then about the nature of their relationship. Why the couth rustblood would spend time with Egbert. 

Or maybe in general nobody just liked having her around the eggs and grubs in particular Eridan for sure could understand the feeling. Why there had been some rumors about some of the trolls pushing to ban her from the nursery. 

 

Maybe that's why Damara asked John to bear her kits. Becoming pregnant in her stead.

Despite the comments and backlash his morail received John took it with a straight back. He carried the pregnancy to term, worked custody and visitation arrangements with Damara and single-handedly still managed to raise Skanet with helpful hand from Equius during his later months. 

 

And then John gave birth to two eggs of different colors. One was rust like his sire and would later on hatch to be Rheike. 

The other's shell however reflected a deep purple hue that neither Medigo or Egbert shared within only few months a small purple grub crawled out of it's shell revealing the distinct, unmistakable features of her true sire. 

To Eridan it was just as fitting and symbolic that Kurloz's lips were sewed up. 

There was a long pause in the room. 

 

" I honestly thought you'd be angrier. At Kurloz I mean. I don't understand John I really don't" replied Eridan gently, his voice puzzled.

" What happened between Kurloz and myself is only for us to know. It's not up to me to decide if he gets to be in a relationship or to start a family that's Kurloz's decision alone. I know it's hard for you to understand but I need you to see it through my eyes"pleaded John his voice now soft. 

The former human ran his hand over his hair tugging slightly at a strand anxiously. 

" I know what's it's like to be judged for what you done in the past and have everyone constantly look at you every moment of the day and you know deep down what they are thinking and what they are saying when you leave the room and you have to be brave and deal with it everyday because no matter how your life in the the past, present or in the future, you can't control their thinking" John's voice has risen to a tempo until now he was nearly yelling from his throat in frustration. 

 

There was a long drawing silence.

 

" I'm sorry" said Eridan unsure of what more he could say. 

 

John shook his head and after a long deep breath gave the seadweller a slight smile.

" I don't have energy to hold grudges. I can't hate people to save my life maybe I should but I can't. It's like they forgot to build my biological revenge-hate switch" joked John

Eridan wrapped his arm around John comfortingly. 

" Don't worry that's what I'm for to remind you and Karkat to awaken you" 

" Speaking of which he's been inside with the grubs for quite a while now do you think we should check up on him?"

" Karkat? Nah I'm sure he's fine"

***********************************

When Eridan arrives home much later it's sundown and the kits are already asleep 

" Sugar crash?" he asks as he takes off his shoes and puts them by the door. 

" Sugar crash" confirms Sollux, turning up the flame on the skillet.

The aroma lures the highblood into the kitchen with a faint blissful sigh. They don't get many nights like these with just the two of them eating together in quiet privacy. 

Experience has taught the sea dweller to take advantage of every opportunity no matter how small. Grunting slightly he tiptoes as he reaches to highest cabinet where they store the store alcohol taped off, out of reach and sight. 

Sollux smirks as Eridan walks over with two glasses and a wine bottle to the small kitchen table already set out just for the two of them.

About an hour or so later the couple were making out on the porch furiously as they pawed at each other's clothes. 

Eridan growled as rolled them around so he was on top making a sound of triumph as he was successful even as yellowblood rolled his eyes at him. 

Eridan could feel his lips pulling back to a delighted predatory grin as he reached for the buckle scrawny yellowblood's belt only to yelp loudly as his hand was swapped away like a naughty child a second later. 

" Wait. We need protection" Sollux grunted pushing Eridan off him then himself off the floor. 

Eridan gave him a disbelieving look crossing his arms ( he was NOT pouting!). 

Sollux came back several minutes later holding a large generic white bag with Maryam Stamp on the front. 

The yellowblood turned the bag upside and shook the contents. At least a dozen slim, small white boxes fell out with all them marked the same last name, Ampora-Captor. 

Eridan cursed.

" Shit. I knew this was going to bite us in the ass. Why did hyphenate our again?" asked Sollux

" Fuck that, were not waiting forty minutes in line twice in a row for a prescription. In this household we claim the benefits of civil union in accordance to Rose's Law!" said Eridan indignantly

Sollux opened one of the boxes and took out of the condoms feeling the texture frowning as he rubbed it against his fingers. 

" Do you think it matters so much if we put the wrong one? it's just once I don't want to go to clinic tonight.." mutters Sollux 

" Of course it does! There custom made for each troll and unless you have another prescription don't even bother at this hour" growled Eridan.

The yellowblood looked as he was about to burst into tears. So close yet so far. Like dangling a prize just under his nose only to swipe it at the last second and tell him he wasn't allowed to have it. 

The mood effectively shifted between the two of them and after some grumbling started to tuck their clothes back in. 

Eridan in particular seemed pissed shoving the generic little boxes of birth control angrily back inside the bag. 

" I don't see the point! Trolls didn't use condoms for thousands of sweeps and nothing happened. Besides odds are since I'm a cold-blood that we won't get pregnant especially from one night" snapped Eridan moodily. 

" I know but you really want risk getting pregnant? You know how much kits can be so hard to take care of and need so much time I mean must I remind you of our first months?" reminded Sollux. 

" But we've learned so much since then and we are not the same as before. Besides adults are stupid twice as much as kids, at least kids kids have the excuse of not knowing any better" pointed out Eridan.

The yellowblood could feel the back his palms starting to sweat whether in anticipation or nervousness he was not sure. 

" Sheesh hahaha very you make it sound like you almost want to get pregnant very funny Eridan" he laughed nervously

" Why not?" 

Sollux became very still. 

The violet blood was looking at him now. Looking directly at him at him there was no anger, no pleading in his expression just an honest question and intrigue which left the yellowblood with his mouth agape. 

 

" You can't be serious!"

" Why not?" repeated Eridan

" Because..." Sollux hesitated

Because what kind of stable and a and sane couple chose to willingly become pregnant on purpose again? 

Literally Sollux's mind drew blank on the many trolls who over the years had conceived whether by accident or on purpose but never had the same pair deliberately had more than one pregnancy. Because no one before had been that stupid or brave.

At least until now.

" This is crazy! Everyone is going to think we are crazy. This is like pioneer ground right here, we are talking history unknown waters" said Sollux shaking his head yet he could feel himself not believing his own words. 

" Well it's a good thing I always I always did like to live dangerously then" chuckling the violetblood his eyes gleaming at the scrawny yellowblood. 

The warmblood could feel his face become warm as the other's eyes leered on him. 

He knew that look. He also knew what happened monumental event happened after said look. 

" Hold it this is all just theoretical, we still haven't discussed major stuff like changes to our schedules with work, chores and the boys, plus one of us is going to have to carry to the egg" reminded Sollux 

Eridan snorted. 

" Seriously that's your concern? We were both pregnant at the same time. As far as I'm concerned you could flip a coin on it on this one, that's probably going to be the least of our concerns" Eridan groused

 

They both looked at each other quizzically. 

 

" Heads I'll carry the bugger and tails it's up to you?" said Sollux

" Deal" said Eridan firmly

Sollux dug out a coin from his pocket.

 

"On the count count of of three" coaxed Sollux

 

" One"

" Two"

" Three"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It would not be VillageStuck if there wasn't soap opera drama and crack ships going around. At least my version. 
> 
> So it's all of John's baby daddy daddies have finally been revealed!  
> And we've been introduced to more other couples around the village and general life.  
> What do you guys think? What side do YOU guys think the coin landed on ;). And how do you think our dear village will react?
> 
> As always I take advice, and ideas and any any ships or possibilities in the comments. 
> 
> Coming up next on Adventures in Troll Parenting~
> 
> Horuss: * sobbing* You only wanted me for my body
> 
> Meenah:That's not entirely true, I thought robots were cool too :/.
> 
> Karkat: * yelling outside the house* Do you have to this dramatic break-up scene at three in the morning?


	7. In which the author introduces the family tree

AITP Family Tree and hemospectrum

Helpful tips for those who really need it.   
Man there are alot of crackships and weird stories from these. 

Note: Dam= Birthgiver, mother etc.   
Sire= Genetic material donor. 

Note: Not included are the adopted like Jane whose the stepmother of Muelin's kids or Terezi and her strange attachment to Vriska Sr. and Jr. mostly to prevent more confusion, this is more to keep family linages and trees in check. 

Trolls:   
Kankri : Dam of Kamari ( mutantblood) and Mychal ( violet)

Karkat: Sire of Kallai (mutantblood) and Karson ( mutantblood) and Dave's to be clutch

Damara : Sire of Rheike ( rust)

Aradia: N/A

Rufioh: Sire of Garfio ( bronze)

Tavros: Dam of Dovaii ( bronze)

Mituna : Sire of Kurloz's clutch

Sollux: Dam of Koichi ( Yellow), Sire of Farkoh ( Yellow) and Eridan's to be clutch

Nepeta: N/A 

Meulin: Dam of Garfio ( Bronze) and Catina ( Olive)

Porrim: Sire of Catina

Kanaya: Dam of Silraa( Jade)and Zeetra ( Jade)

Latula: N/A

Terezi: N/A 

Aranea: N/A

Vriska: Dam of Skuela ( cerulean)

Horuss: Dam of Alzela (indigo) and Aileen ( indigo)

Equius: Sire of Skanet ( blue)

Kurloz: Sire of Kheiko and To Be Dam of Mituna's clutch

Gamzee: Sire of Dovaii ( bronze)

Cronus: Sire of Mychal ( violet) and Kamari ( mutantblood)

Eridan: Dam of Farkoh ( Yellow),  
Sire of Koichi and to be dam of Sollux's clutch

Meenah: Sire of Azalea ( indigo) and Aileen ( indigo)

Feferi: N/A

The Former Humans:

Rose ( purple) : Sire of Silraa ( Jade) and Zeetra ( Jade)

Jade: N/A

Dave: To Be Dam of John and Karkat's clutch

John: Dam of Skanet (blue), Rheike ( rust), Kheiko ( purple), Meriah ( orange-red mutant) Simeon ( dark olive), Meriah ( mutantblood), Karson ( mutantblood) and sire of Dave's to be clutch

Dirk: Sire of Meriah ( orange-red mutant)

Jake: Sire of Simeon ( dark olive)

Roxy: N/A

Jane: N/A

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!   
> Still here and going strong.   
> Update on life: Had a family medical crisis situation the day before summer college classes.   
> It was rough specially keeping on track.   
> I've taken in a stray cat who was heavily pregnant and gave birth behind my mom's plants.   
> Her kittens disappeared the day after that. Frantic I knocked the door of the entire neighborhood until I found one they were taken and stoned to death by the neighborhood boys.   
> I've devoted myself to taking care of her vet and food wise making sure that at least one cat is okay. 
> 
> But still I never forget and you guys are always on the back of my head and I feel bad after going static for so long. 
> 
> Here's a small treat. I know many of you are probably curious of the family trees and hemoclass of this little verse. 
> 
> Anyways I love guys and if you have any requents, comments or recommendations never feel afraid of leaving them in the comments section. 
> 
> Seriously it cheers up my day :3


End file.
